The role and responsibilities of educators have expanded dramatically in the last decade. The educator/student relationship is becoming increasingly crucial to student development, engagement and achievement. Now more than ever, educators often find themselves counseling students, providing basic needs for students, as well as teaching life skills to help students transition to adulthood.1
Over the past 10 years, the role of teacher has transformed from being in the front of the classroom affixed to a blackboard to being hands on, and oftentimes knee deep, in teaching curriculum from the carpet, at a small group table or interactively online. This shift has placed students in the driver seat of learning and has allowed teachers and students to take a more collaborative approach in learning.2
Building positive relationships with students is critical to achievement as well as student development and maturation. It has been said students spend more time at school with their teachers than they do at home with their own families. Educators are often tasked with teaching students basic life skills, from tying their shoes in early primary education to tying a tie in high schools. In upper secondary education, students learn life skills such as automotive care to robotics which ushers in career pathways. These lucrative skills are only made possible by educators who intentionally curate opportunities to build positive relationships with the students, unleashing the potential in which they can achieve and excel. Herein are suggested guideposts that can help your teachers build positive relationships with students.3
1. Be authentic in how you interact with students. Kids are highly discerning human beings. Their radar can detect fakeness and inauthenticity. Get to know them by being genuinely interested in what they are interested in. When I was a classroom teacher, I had a worksheet on hand that kids completed at the beginning of the school year with their favorite things. I used this worksheet to understand why the items on the list were their favorite things. This also gave me a preview of their personality, home life and how they think. As an assistant principal, I use this same worksheet when a student is referred to my office. After addressing the behavior that caused the infraction, this gives me an opportunity to reward more of the positive behaviors that I expect to see moving forward. Being authentic allows the student and educator to collaborate on what is necessary for achievement while also discovering productive methods of communication reinforcing academic and behavior expectations.
2. Be consistent in your habits. This creates a sense of security, predictability and trust for students. Habits such as arriving on time, being present at threshold to greet scholars, and having clear expectations of assignments will determine the academic productivity of the day. In Spring ISD, we call these actions Strong Start. Students are aligned across the district knowing that their teachers will greet them at the classroom door, with a fist bump, high five or a kind word. For some students, this may be the only positive interaction they have with adults.
Our school is fortunate to have a before and after school care program. Early arriving teachers take this time to create intentionality with students. The same occurs for teachers who choose to remain on campus after contract hours to get to know students. During such interaction, a 4th grade student was struggling to start his day off positively. He was always upset and clearly not ready to learn before 7:35AM. In building a relationship with the student during before school care, the teacher discovered the student’s parents woke him up before 6AM every morning. From that moment on he was constantly rushed and yelled at in the morning to get up, get dressed, get his siblings together and a host of other responsibilities. We have no idea what kids are dealing with. For some of these students, just seeing and knowing their teacher is present and calming sets their day off positively. It is important for educators to set the tone for achievement by removing learning barriers and de-escalating difficult situations.
3. Be willing to not take things personally. You may have heard the saying: “Quit taking it personally” or the acronym QTIP. Building relationships tests the limits of this statement. As we get to know our students and their capabilities, they get to know us and sometimes push our limits. Disarming our own triggers by modeling self-control helps students understand that although emotions arise, the way we handle our emotions determines the outcome of the situation. When I was a classroom teacher, I sometimes took it personally when kids would not do what I wanted them to do, especially those who I was intentionally trying to build a positive relationship with. My principal reminded me that a learning opportunity was present for me to find ways to engage all students even those who were not exhibiting their capabilities. During a data discussion, I expressed to my principal all the ways I prepared the students for the writing assessment which included countless revision strategies and countless conferring opportunities I implemented with students. While expressing my dismay in how the students performed, she said to me, “Quit taking it personally when your students do not perform the way you would want them to achieve.” This helped me realize that while the outcome is important, what is more important is that I consistently create an atmosphere of high achievement based on continued practice and intentional preparation.4
4. Be accountable. When you make a mistake, own it. Students need to see adults modeling accountability. Taking responsibility and being accountable means modeling how to apologize and make a commitment to not repeat the same actions moving forward. As a classroom teacher, I have had to apologize to students for the tone I used with them when I was disappointed in their behavior. As an assistant principal, I practice accountability for classroom observations as well as staff communication. We are all fallible creatures, but we can model accountability for students, showing them how to take responsibility for their actions. This creates opportunities for atonement, a vital life skill that helps build strong relationships. By teaching and modeling this, we empower students to thrive in life.5
5. Be vulnerable. I must admit this one is hard for me. I too am working on being more authentic in communicating how I really feel. Students have modeled for me what vulnerability looks like. They often give me the truth about their actions and what they are truly feeling. Educators must caution themselves to not overshare personal experiences that may compromise the positive relationship they are building with students. For educators, being vulnerable sounds like, “I don’t know everything or have all the answers, but we can work through this together.”6
Building positive relationships with students is fundamental to fostering an environment where learning and personal growth can thrive. Prioritizing active listening, showing genuine interest in students’ lives, and respecting their individuality encourage mutual respect and deeper connections. Such relationships not only enhance academic performance but also contribute to the development of students’ self-esteem, resilience, and social skills, paving the way for their long-term success and well-being.7
TEPSA member Quiana Williams is an assistant principal in Spring ISD. With more than 10 years of teaching experience in both public and private schools, Quiana’s educational toolkit is filled with engaging and interactive ways to teach curriculum and elevate student curiosity.
Endnotes
1https://www.graduateprogram.org/2023/06/ways-teaching-has-evolved-in-the-last-decade/
2https://jagconsultingservices.com/important-changes-in-k-12-education-in-the-past-100-years/#:~:text=Changes%20in%20the%20curriculum&text=There%20has%20been%20a%20shift,thinking%20and%20problem%2Dsolving%20skills
3https://cehd.missouri.edu/2022/03/positive-teacher-student-relationships-lead-to-better-teaching/
4https://www.apa.org/education-career/k12/relationships
5https://www.theatrefolk.com/blog/accountability-in-rehearsal-the-classroom-and-as-a-citizen
6https://www.imaginelearning.com/blog/importance-of-being-vulnerable-in-the-classroom/#:~:text=Being%20vulnerable%20in%20the%20classroom%20can%20promote%20deeper%20thinking%2C%20strengthen,they’re%20human%2C%20too.
7Open AI. (2023). ChatGPT. (Mar 14 version) [Large language model]. https://chatgpt.com/c/677b103f-3170-8004-941f-045c85284809
